So, one of my best friends from Alma is getting married. I am so happy for her and can't wait to attend. I told myself that since Michelle is getting married I will not only be at the wedding, but I will be smaller and have a date. I have been more outgoing and not letting my anxiety get the best of me so by dating Caleb I thought that he would definitely be the guy I go with. But it was so hard to ask him. I never knew if the timing was right, if he liked me, if he would even want to go.
Since knowing that I would ask him, since June, I have had vivid dreams of how I would ask him, in what setting, his possible reaction, etc. The reoccurring dream was him at my house watching a movie and the mail would come and one piece of mail being the invitation. That way it would just feel right and the invitation would have been the conversation starter.
As time progressed between Caleb and I my anxiety got more out of hand. I could not ask him yet the dreams kept coming and haunting me to just do it. So the Wednesday before our Saturday date the invitation came (timing a bit off in real life). For our date Caleb asked could we just stay at my place and watch movies (yikes part of the dream is coming true) and I had his birthday gift. That put more anxiety and pressure on me. I was so afraid that if he said no, how could I go on with the date without being humiliated? My friend Colleen told me he would say yes but it is so easy for an outsider to think he would.
Our date was going great, we watched movies, I gave him his birthday card and gift and after 20 minutes of freaking out (yes I really was freaking out and unfortunately it was externally) I asked him and he promptly said yes. There was no hesitation, no doubt just a yes. I immediately felt so much better. He did not even mind that it is an away wedding. Granted since we have been talking in March he knew that her wedding was in Michigan (it's like I was planting the seed all along). The only downside is that he may not be able to attend due to softball tournament. I would love if he can go, but if he can not I won't be too upset because he said yes originally. I'm so happy :)
Well this is my update on how I am not letting my anxiety take over. Life is going so well right now that I am just on cloud nine. I am very happy and can not complain. The next step in our relationship is having "the talk". We plan activities in the future and we can just enjoy each other's company without doing anything. I think, well I can only speak for myself, I consider him my boyfriend but until we have that talk I can not assume that we are (even though he gives me plenty of indicators that we are). Well, here is my posting for the week, and until I write in you again......
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